what is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a form of therapy that is designed to address and explore sex and sexuality issues and concerns in a safe, non-judgemental space. It involves working with a trained practitioner to improve sexual function, pleasure, satisfaction, and enjoyment. The goal of sex therapy is to help individuals or couples overcome any physical, psychological, cultural or emotional barriers that might be impacting their sexual lives. Often sex therapy starts with examining sex, intimacy and relationships, but it can also involve looking at the many factors that contribute to a whole person and how they exist in the world.
Sex therapists often have a range of different qualifications. They may be psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, or other allied health professionals who have undergone additional training. They may also have received specific sexological training in the area that they practice. Most GPs and other allied health professionals do not receive extensive education on sex and sexuality as part of their training. They may refer to a sex therapist to help fill that gap, particularly if treatment requires more than a medical approach. While there are associations and governing bodies, there are no specific regulations around sex therapy. This can mean that these services are not covered by Medicare or private insurance, as they tend to focus on mental health issues. However, sex therapy is typically covered under NDIS. While this does mean that sex therapy can be pricier, it does not mean that it is any less effective, or that the practitioners are any less qualified. If anything, it is more a reflection of how the healthcare system could be better improved to provide a more holistic approach to individual wellbeing.
Problems, worries, fears, and shame around sex, intimacy, and relationships are often what lead people to seek help. Sex therapy can help with a wide range of specific sexual concerns, like desire, arousal and orgasm issues, low libido, mismatched libidos, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, pain during sex, body image issues, lack of confidence, performance anxiety, porn or masturbation addiction, and experiences related to sexual orientation or gender identity.
While sex therapy as a distinct form of therapy is still emerging, there are many historical and cultural traditions that were used to help people with issues related to sex and relationships in the past. The current medical model for sex therapy involves diagnosing and treating issues that might be considered dysfunctional and applying evidenced-based psychological and medical approaches to help the client become more functional. This is why sex therapy may be part of a program of treatment that involves other allied health professionals such as GPs, physiotherapists, pelvic floor specialists, and other specialists based on individual health and psychological factors.
When it comes to sex therapy, issues relating to sex tend to resist simplification and do not neatly fit into specific theoretical approaches or treatment methods. A variety of theories, techniques and modalities, including education, physical or behavioural exercises, cognitive-behavioural therapy, psychotherapy, counselling, mindfulness, and sexological bodywork may be utilised to help clients resolve their sexual issues.
In my experience as a sex therapist, I often find that clients come to see me for help with sexual problems, however often the problem is not actually the sex itself. Humans are complex. As we start to explore the sexual issue, we find ourselves asking – are the issues relating to sex due to other life issues, or did the other issues in life and relationship arise due to the sexual issues? This means that often sex therapy can evolve into regular therapy. And that is totally fine! Sex should not be compartmentalised. It is almost impossible to explore sex and sexuality without at least being aware of personal, social and cultural attitudes, values, and beliefs and how they relate to gender, expression of sexuality, body image, emotions, pleasure, satisfaction, connection, intimacy, and relationships. This is part of integrating sex into the whole person.
My approach to sex therapy is to support clients in reaching and expressing their sexual potential as part of their overall health and wellbeing. When people explore, grow and express their sexual nature, it can help them form and enhance deep connections within themselves, their relationships and their communities. I predominantly draw from existential, compassion focused, solution focused and some cognitive behavioural therapeutic approaches. This means that we explore sexual issues and experiences in the context of the creating a deeper understanding of the existence of an individual as a whole person. We work towards developing self-awareness, compassion and self-compassion as a way to encourage sexual and emotional healing and wellbeing for the individual and others. We identify and challenge negative self-talk and beliefs, as well as any other barriers that might prevent deep connection and intimacy. There may be education provided on sex and sexuality and different tools that can be used to enhance sexual pleasure. There may also be exercises or homework to help with developing self-understanding and awareness in psychological, physical and/or relational areas. What each person may require to live their best sexual life can be extremely diverse, so it is a process of gentle exploration and experimentation to reach the desired goal. However, the process can be very brief! If something works, we keep doing that. If something doesn’t work, we try something else. While there is often a goal, the healing is often in the journey itself.
In my experience, I find that sometimes clients just want a list of technical things to try, or a step-by-step manual of how to ‘fix’ their issues. While there are plenty of evidence-based solutions, finding the ones that work can be tricky. There is often not a simple solution. Clients get the most out of sex therapy when they are curious and willing to do the sometimes difficult psychological and behavioural work involved. However, the process can be one of discovery, joy, and even fun.
I believe that sex is an act of creativity and I try to assist my clients in finding their unique expression so that they can have good sex, deep connection and strong relationships. If that is your vibe, and you’re ready for some sex therapy, please reach out.
If you would like to explore more options relating to sex therapy, including things like sexological body work and somatic work, the Society of Australian Sexologists is a great place to look for sex therapists.
